5 Ways To Overcome Our Self-defeating Behaviors.
Because truth to be told, our biggest enemy is ourself and we listen to it way too much.
Ever heard of self-defeating behaviors? It’s one of our unconscious traits where our minds are trying to pull us to stay in our comfort zone while at the same time trying to put the blame for our failures on others. It is also the behaviors that keep you out of your own goals and an act of self-sabotage, halting your improvement. There is a quote that I stand by regarding the self-defeating behaviors:
All forms of self-defeating behaviors are unseen and unconscious, which is why their existence is denied.
— Vernon Howard
From this quote, I’ll start with the first point — which is to admit and be honest with yourself.
Look in the Mirror, and Be Honest With Yourself.
One of the reasons why self-defeating is hard to be acknowledged by us is because it is our form of reasoning. Let’s say you want to quit smoking or your drinking addiction — your mind will always be in the constant feeling of “Oh come on, taking one won’t hurt you. You can always start tomorrow.” These kinds of thoughts are what pull us back every time we want to try to be a better version of ourselves. The same situation can be applied to those who keep delaying workouts, studying, or building their own career. We should recognize that in order to change, we need to take a small step forward — which is by realizing that to fix the problem, we should recognize and acknowledge the problem itself.
Living With Passion and Ambition
He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.
— Friedrich Nietzsche
Sounds a bit too hard for someone who has no glorious goals in life, isn’t it? I personally don’t have any grand plan on what should I achieve in life, though I do have a list of stuff that I want to have to make the people around me in a much better condition because their well-being is my source of motivation. While at the same time, I finally found my passion — writings, and content creating. I know, it’s a rough and a high obstacle for me to climb, but for the moment I really am enjoying myself on the journey without a hint of getting tired because this is what I truly loved. So I think for us to overcome that self-defeating, is to have something that we truly enjoy and love, and take our time to learn whatever skills, activities, studies that we want to learn or are deeply interested in—have pride in what you worked on.
Realize That Everyone Start From Something Small
Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still.
— Confucius
Everyone starts from having 0 experience on anything. There is hardly anyone — who is immediately an expert in their craft except if they are a pure genius of course. Do not get disheartened by those who are already excellent at their works because they have spent their time to be better every single day in their work, but it doesn't mean that you can’t do the same and are doomed for eternity. Related to the point above, it’s alright for you to learn it at your own pace. Do not be afraid to get ridiculed or people make fun of you when you are starting your growth — because I and tons of people close to you are rooting for you and I think the fact that you start it is already amazing progress by itself. Because just like Confucius said, it’s better to grow slowly than not grow at all.
The World is Indeed, Unfair
Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own.
— Harold G. Coffin.
Let’s settle this once and for all, the world is unfair and that is just how it is. There is someone out there who was born in a family wealthier than you, has broader privileges than you, better looks, shape, intelligence, etc. But we should realize — dwelling in such thought won’t get us anywhere. At the same time, we should acknowledge that just because they look like they are having a greater life quality than ours, doesn’t mean that they didn’t struggle at all. Everyone fights their own battle in life — and so are we. Overcoming this self-defeating behavior is indeed one of our battles that is absolutely not easy, so focus your mind and energy, do not compare yourself to others standard or their privileges because it doesn’t matter, you will win at the end of the day and enjoy your own fruit of effort.
Shoot for the Moon, Even if You Miss — You Will Land on the Stars
I don’t need to quote because the title itself is already a quote from Norman Vincent Peale. There is not much to say about this other than the assurance that whatever you work on, whatever the time that you pour into something, there is no such thing as ‘meaningless’. There will always be an experience to gain, something to learn, a memory for you to remember, an opportunity based on all of your hard work. I always believe in the way of karma, the sum of a person’s actions will be the decider of their fate in the future. If you honestly hone yourself, be a positive influence on the people around you, you are bound to achieve something great in life which the universe will keep the secret until you are worth holding it.
